"What in the World Were We Thinking?!" Reflections on 10 Years of Marriage

Ten years ago today, I married a man whom I had had an overseas relationship with for 3 years. The majority of our courtship can be summed up in a box of letters, some emails, and a journal we passed back and forth across the oceans. Over those three years, we had seen each other only every 6 months for little more than a week at a time. There was no Skype, no Face Time, no Facebook, no international phone plans or texting...just a spotty internet cafe 13 miles from his home that would allow an expensive phone call that had a 10-second delay in transmission (ask my college roommates about this season of my life, lol...)

 

We were young. We were naive. We were adventurous. And of course, 

we were in love. 

 

Looking back on that blissful, picturesque, fall day, full of joy, laughter, and anticipation, I can't help but think, "What in the world were we thinking?!" Two people who barely knew each other making a pact to stick it out through thick and thin for as long as we were both on this earth... Holy Cow. Did we really know the weight of what we were doing?  Of course we didn't. But let me tell you what we did know...

We knew Jesus Christ. 

We knew that He called His disciples to do some unconventional things. We knew that we were His disciples, and His commands to make disciples among the nations included our involvement. And we knew He had called us to do it together. Whatever the cost. He had promised that He was with us, and that meant that whatever storm came our way, He would weather it with us.  

AND HE HAS.

Fast forward ten years (if you want to catch up on our life in those years, click HERE) Here I lay, on a couch in a guest house, far from home, not knowing where home is anymore, grieving the loss of a child I will have to wait until heaven to meet. I'm tired, I'm weary, and I'm heavy-laden from a year that has shown us more grief and loss than the past 10 years combined. In ways I feel like our moving to Uganda has us back in the same place we were in 10 years ago- just starting out naive and hopeful, greatly anticipating what God had in store for our future. Now that reality has settled in deep in the bones,  I look back and think,

"What were we thinking?!" 

The only difference is that now I feel the weight of that price tag to follow Jesus to the ends of the earth- it's got 6 figures, y'all!

All joking aside, there really is a big difference between now and ten years ago (in addition to less hair and more wrinkles). 

We have SEEN Jesus weather the storm with us. 

We have SEEN Him provide in ways that seem just as miraculous as when He raised Lazarus from the dead. 

 

We have SEEN Him reward childlike faith.

 And I have SEEN Him prove time and time again why it is He hand-picked my husband just for me.

 It was for such a time as this.

Grief mingled with joy, 

longing with contentment, 

hungry but fully satisfied, 

unsettled but at peace,

wandering but not lost,

questioning but fully assured...

 that these are the plans of the Lord.

...and He is good.

*Have you made any decisions in your life that you look back on and ask, 

"What in the world was I thinking?!"

...only to hear your heart whisper back 

"You were following Jesus..."?

If not, I highly recommend you try it. 

You won't have regrets.

Because He won't disappoint.

EVER.