This is Life: The Blessing of Margin

One thing that missionaries really miss while on the field is the ability to create margin in their life. Now that we have been overseas for a while, it baffles me how we struggled to create margin in our schedules when we were living in America before. We had so much more control over the calendar and day's events back then! I say that now...but the reality is that we ~~had~~ have very little self-control when it comes to using our time wisely, and the productivity-drive of American culture has warped our view of the importance of rest and retreat (and I'm speaking personally here...it's a struggle!). We had the ability to plan margin or buffer zones into our schedules back then, but we chose to fill it up with other things instead.

Often, when you live overseas, the ability to create this much-needed space just isn't there. You put a really great plan in place of when your day is going to start and end, what you are going to get done on certain days so that other days you can have a real Sabbath. But in the end, there are so many factors about life overseas that you have so little control over (like who is going to show up at your door that day, whether the bank will actually have any money, whether the power will be working or if you have enough solar energy to get you through the day, and if that one shop-owner who carries the one ingredient you need for dinner will even be at his shop when you show up even though you called him twice and told him you were coming). Often that well-planned margin seems to get squeezed out of the best-laid plans.

To sum up this last month of living in West Virginia, I would use one word:

Margin.

And it has been a blessing.

It's hard repatriating to your home culture, regardless of how smooth your re-entry is. Things have changed since you left, people have changed, and mostly YOU have changed. I get anxiety now over things like Starbucks, the Wal-Mart cereal aisle, singing patriotic songs in church services, running into old acquaintances, simple questions that should have easy answers (i.e.: "How are things going?"), and how to use a debit card. And so, this may sound weird, but it has been kind of nice landing in a "familiar but foreign" place. Living overseas, your identity becomes that of a foreigner. The constant feeling of "not-belonging" and trying to figure out the "system" that seems to run like a bizarre but seamless machine for everyone else around you...well, your brain somehow adjusts that into your new identity and "figuring out the new system" becomes a part of your everyday thought process.

I can't explain it, but having the rare opportunity of landing back in my home country, but in a place that is completely new and unfamiliar than before, has somehow created a kind of bridge to normalcy between my old life in America and my new life in Africa. Before, moving to a new city where I didn't know a single person plus had young kids and was very pregnant would have been extremely stressful and anxiety-inducing, but now I am used to being new, and there is actually just enough cultural familiarity that makes it all seem like a breeze!

Another area of margin that West Virginia has provided for me is the freedom to focus on the most important role that God has called me to: wife and mom. So often (regardless of where I am), I feel this relational pull, like I should be investing better or more intentionally in the relationships within my sphere of influence. I tell myself that I could be doing better communicating with supporters, friends and family back home, visiting neighbors in the community, people who are sick, friends I haven't connected with in a while, and the list goes on and on (why do I do that?). The truth is, I wasn't created to maintain all of those other relationships at 100% (though I would like to believe I am capable of it!) Other than being His daughter, the most important roles God has called me to has been that of wife and mother. And let's be honest- when I put other relationships before these, they all suffer. Likewise, when I recognize my limitations and put these first, all the others seem to fall into their rightful place. So, it has truly been a gift to be in a place where I don't know anyone and I'm not here long enough to lay roots...and so, its easy to make the people right in front of me the most important thing- which I ought to be doing regardless of where I am!

So, how has our first month back in the US been?

A blessing.

A breath of fresh air.

A bridge between our ever-changing identity of foreign and familiar.

challenging-YES
(living perpetually out of tubs and off of mattresses on the floor always is...)

but also...

A buffer zone where my family can re-group, make some lasting memories, build ourselves a RAFT boat, and remind ourselves of the character of our God, who never changes regardless of culture or customs or cities or seasons.

Thank you for praying for us.

We are truly blessed.

PS- The Tropical Medicine course (which is 8-5 every day for Derek and Scott) has proven to be very beneficial and a great investment in future ministry. I'm sure he'd love to tell you about it if you ask- just be ready to hear topics discussed like pediatric diarrhea and intestinal parasites!

This is Life.